One of the main character traits of a Gemini is the split personality. Somehow I think I don’t have one but perhaps, this blog would be my split personality to others.
Applying the Johari Window to myself:
I find that my private self is about an equal half of the public self. Interestingly, another word for the private self quadrant is facade which I would think describes the public self more than the private self. So anyway, I think my unconscious side is pretty low which is a good thing :) I figure, only my dogs will know of my hidden self.
As I was hanging out with the girls last night, I realised my self disclosure is still pretty low and I see the need to maintain a certain image of myself in front of them (the slightly more innocent and pure one). They were openly talking about porn and all. When they asked if I watched… first instinct was to say no which I did . hahaha they were perfectly open and fine with saying they did but somehow…. I never said mine out (always give the socially acceptable answer right?). Perhaps if it was to a group of people I didn’t know so well I might have said differently, doubt it though. Some things, I will never say out loud hahaha only my other half will know. When I do find my other half *dreams* where are you?
The girls kept thinking I was into girls even though I say that I’m straight. hahaha for me, it was usually just admiration and never passed that. Even if it did then probably that would be in my hidden self. Ignorance is bliss for me and sometimes I rather not think otherwise and complicate life. Other times, I fear it would become a self fulfilling prophecy. Like.. if you think you are long enough or other people think you are then you might just become one. Being straight or gay which I highly think I’m straight, is just one of those things I’m not at the stage of ‘what ifs’. Really, the consequences of being gay in a society like ours and in a family like mine is too much. I would never put my family through that and I hope I won’t ever have to.
Yup I do take the easy way out on things :)
This is me, the private self. I am not conflicted. Thank you bubble, for being my release.
Such a self indulgent blog right? hahaha told ya!